Loyalty is such an important, valued and revered subject in our society. But can you be too loyal?
The answer is yes- you can absolutely be too loyal. While the act might be positive and admirable, your motivations can uncover the true cause of your allegiance. Is it based on love- a mutually supportive, romantic or business relationship? Or is this loyalty bought, threatened or controlled by the receiver? Loyalty is just as much about the person asking for your undying devotion, as it is about you giving it up.
Loyalty can be a strength or a weakness. The key to figuring out if it has been an asset, or if it’s negatively affecting you, ask yourself what you know to be right, what you want to achieve and you expect to be treated. If you feel that the time has come to step away and withdraw your unyielding support, it can be helpful to talk to someone you trust and assess all the options available to you.
Below are a few ways you can tell if you have mistaken your loyalty:
- Your gut feeling tells you that they’re doing something you perceive as wrong.
- You experience strong negative emotions when you think about the person you’re loyal to.
- You strongly believe that your close, trusted friends would advise you to remove yourself from the situation if they were to know.
- You fantasize about walking away from the picture in your mind, removing yourself from the situation.
- The person who benefits from your loyalty, knowingly and frequently looks for ways to undermine your confidence, as well as makes you feel dependent on them for happiness, romance, financial security or friendship.
Five Steps to Help You Pull Back from Being Too Loyal
- Don’t act on impulse and/or emotion.
- Make a plan.
- Write it down or articulate it to a third person what you feel uncomfortable about.
- Report inappropriate behavior at work to a superior. (Ask a friend, or colleague, to come with you when you speak to the boss.)
- Reach out to a professional to equip you with the mental tools you’ll need to start the process.