Truth be told – I hate the “holiday season.” Human-ing is a lot, and the holidays add a heaviness, pressure and fatigue where we are doing all the things while feeling all the feels tenfold as the year comes to a close.
The obligations, unquestioned traditions, the presents, the roles/ideologies, the forced interactions through the years took a toll as my journey for self-awareness and wellness unfolded.
Now my boundaries, beliefs and bonding with loved ones stay in alignment as the crazy holiday hurricanes around me swirl.
We all feel that outsider-ness within our own families – know that this sensation is not rare – we are all connected in this confusion.
Allow your awareness, love and yearning for growth to feel into being less alone on this journey.
I am right there with you, as are these other amazing women on my email list (please forward along to anyone else who may need this during the holiday season).
Here are some tips and reminders that you can incorporate RIGHT NOW during the holiday season:
- Let go of hoping that your family won’t do that one thing/phrase/habit/questions/etc. that will drive you nutso.
We try to see the best in everyone and every holiday season people get that hopeful amnesia that our family time will magically be different. Instead of hoping that the same words, debates, comments, bullshit etc. won’t happen this year, prepare your phrases and boundaries for when they do.
Going in with a gameplan with yourself allows you to feel in control and not like you have to just ignore whatever is going on.This can be a fake excuse, leaving early, or a boundary setting phrase – such as “I’m not discussing or engaging in this today.”If you are visiting with a partner, have two codewords – one that means “I am feeling overwhelmed and I need to excuse myself” and one that means “Okay it’s time for us to go now, let’s say our goodbyes and get out of here!” - The 3 Hour Rule
This rule was a GAMECHANGER as I reset my relationships and family expectations. If you are at an event or family gathering and live locally a the 2 hours and 45 minute mark, begin to say your goodbyes and that you have to leave.
Any less-than-ideal dynamic within a group begins to rear its even uglier head after the 3-hour mark. Get out of there if you can! If you are staying over, be sure to take a bathroom break, step outside or excuse yourself for at least 5 minutes at every 1 hour and 45-minute mark. - Anxiety Busting Breath
When in doubt, breathe it out! Inhale for 4, hold for 7 and exhale for 8. Repeat 5 times or as often as needed.
- Mindful Rest
Take 3-5 minutes (maybe during your 1 hr 45 min pause) and incorporate one of the following things.
The key to this is to focus ONLY on what you are doing.
Laying down and listening to a favorite song or a guided meditation
Sitting outside and noting what you can see/hear/smell/feel
Making a cup of tea, coffee or hot chocolate focusing on the experience of drinking it
Excusing yourself to a different room and doing some gentle stretches - If you begin to feel tense, go outside for a walk
Bring things to bundle up if you are in a colder area, the separation, movement and outside air can do wonders. Allow yourself to rally by taking five deep breaths and saying to yourself MOVE. - Stay hydrated
Staying hydrated helps our cognitive functions, keeps us more present and allows us to utilize the next tactic with more ease…. - Take LONG bathroom breaks
I am serious – no one bothers you while you’re in the bathroom! - Steer clear of Fast Fixes – Booze, Food, Social Media, Attention-Seeking Behavior, Over-Zealous Amounts of Helping Out for Validation, etc.
Notice when you find yourself heading towards the bar or housing down food, being sassy to an annoying sibling, scrolling social media or panicking to clean up everyone’s dirty plates. Ask yourself – “What uncomfortable situation am I trying to escape?” Instead of numbing it out or self-sacrificing, refer to some of the action steps we have here! - Be INSANELY KIND to Yourself
Any time negative phrases, thoughts, judgements, guilt, shame or worry keep in. - Remember: You don’t have to DO ANYTHING DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON THAT YOU DON’T WANT TO (OR EVER)
Seeing people, giving gifts, anything with a “should” or “it’s what you do” or “my family expects it.” Why and where do these obligations come from? How can I release these to figure out what I truly want?
Sending you all love and here for you if you need to book a reading or a healing/counseling session!